Friday Fabulosity: Old Ones Dress

I think it was supposed to be a paisley-ish design, but the "heads" have radiate star-like protrusions, the bodies are barrel-ish, and they have spots (!).  Gentle readers, I present the "Old Ones" dress, clearly a prophecy representing H.P. Lovecraft's Old Ones from At the Mountains of Madness.

Afternoon dress of printed silk satin, ca 1902, shown on The Dreamstress' blog

That the resemblance is vague and open to interpretation through many differing cultural biases does not shake my faith.  I feel the truth in my heart: this dress is madness!

Madness Monday: Mini Mythos

It has come to my attention that Kenneth Hite has written an adorable series of adorable adaptations of H. P. Lovecraft parodying classic children's literature. I now own Clifford the Big Red God (an adaption of :"The Dunwich Horror" and Goodnight Azathoth, which is simply a delight. 

In Goodnight Azathoth, when we say good night to the two little fishes (and something that squishes) we notice that the fishes have a German sub toy in their bowl, an interesting nod to HPL's "The Temple."

The genie lamp in the Goodnight Azathoth room is helpfully labeled "do not rub."  Perfect.

Cliffourd follows "Dunwich Horror" fairly closely, but it is a joy to have the whole thing narrated in the context of Wilbur Whately having the biggest and reddest god in Dunwich (infra-red, so he is invisible!).

These little books bring me such joy.  Next I must acquire Where the Deep Ones Are, an adaptation of "Shadow over Innsmouth" in the style of Maurice Sendak.

New Resident Orientation Booklet for the Arkham Homeowners' Association

The following in tribute to H.P. Lovecraft and his worlds, inspired by the sanctimony of American homeowners' associations.  Ia, Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!

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The Welcome and Sunshine Committee welcomes you to Arkham!  Please take a moment to read, and then go mad with horror, the following revised new resident orientation booklet!

I. Introduction 
    The mission of the Arkham Homeowners' Association is to provide an ancient and decadent community for residents to live out their last days in fear and horror through bleeding-edge technology and slavering focus on needs of the residents, while maintaining property values for all members of the community, living and dead.  We strive to be an affordable and accessible residential solution for any being already possessing the qualities we desire along with the monies we wish to siphon off for our own nefarious purposes.
    In order to better serve the community, the association depends on fees paid by the homeowners.  These fees shall be paid on the 1st of the month, and are considered late after the 5th of the month.
    The association does not accept the following currencies: first-born children, bodily fluids, cryptic utterances, jewels from accursed temples, strange books, or idols carved in stones not of this world.
   
II. A Certain General Rule
    i. That is not dead which can eternal sleep.  

III. Callings Up and Puttings Down
    i.  Raising of dead ancestors from essential salts is absolutely forbidden.
    ii. Do not call up that which ye cannot put down.
    iii. Beheadings and blood-lettings are restricted to Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.  Dismemberments and poisonings are restricted to Tuesdays and Thursdays.  Translations shall be on Sundays only.  Faintings and apoplexies have no restrictions. 

IV. Remains, Disposal of
    i. Trash disposal occurs weekly on Friday mornings.  The Association contracts with Pickman's Ghouls.  Only approved trash containers shall be used.  To maintain the unhallowed appearance of our community, containers shall not be set out earlier than 7pm the night before pickup, and must be taken back from the curb by 7pm on pick-up days. 
    ii. Bricking up of insane spouses or other relatives shall follow city building codes. 
    iii. Any infestation of night-gaunts, regressed descendants, or termites shall be reported immediately to the association so that pest-control measures can be taken at the association's leisure.
    iv. Hellhounds must be leashed and curbed.  Owners are responsible for proper disposal of all pet waste.

V. Disturbances and Alarms
     i. Exorcisms, Blasphemies, Chantings, Music of Unearthly Beauty and all similar activities shall not be conducted before 9pm or after 10am to maintain the serenity of our community.
    ii. Debauched revels must obtain permission from the association and must post signs warning residents of impending revelry at least 48 hours in advance of intended revel.  
    iii. In case of abominations or nameless horrors running loose in the neighborhood, a siren will sound.

VI. Conflagrations and Cleansing Bolts of Lightning
     i. Bonfires, banefires, bonefires, witchfires, foxfires, housefires, putrid luminescences, and fireworks of all types shall have on hand at least one fire extinguisher, certified within the last 6 months.  Large conflagrations shall have a representative of the city fire department on hand to supervise. 
     ii. In order to ensure property values, failure to abide by the above regulations will result in a cleansing bolt of lightning ridding our community of your unclean presence.   

In Which the Internet Is a Boon to Culture and the Arts

The narrator in H. P. Lovecraft's novella At the Mountains of Madness continually references the paintings of Nicholas Roerich in his attempts to convey the unutterable horrors of the city of the Old Ones in their mountain fastness deep in the antarctic.

Were I reading this in paperback, it is likely I would finish the story and forget the name Roerich and never see his work.  Even if I remembered and wanted to see his work, without the internet that would involve at minimum a trip to a library, a search through their catalog, and probably one or two pictures in an anthology.  Possibly, if I lived in the right city, a museum might have a few of his works on display (and then I would need the time and resources to get there). 

But I am reading H.P. Lovecraft on the internet, courtesy of DagonBytes, and I paused to google Nicholas Roerich, expecting perhaps one or two uploads of photos of his work and a wikipedia summary.  Instead, courtesy of the Nicholas Roerich Museum, I found a wonderfully magnanimous upload of full-color, high-quality pictures of Roerich's work, organized into slideshows by topic, freely available to anyone with internet. 


This is a tiny but wonderful example of how free access to information immeasurably enriches our lives.   


Turns out I really enjoy Roerich's works (although not enough to want to hang reproductions on my walls): 

Karakoram.  From the Nicholas Roerich Museum.

 From Lovecraft's prose I was expecting something like "Edvard Munch and M.C. Escher go on an LSD trip together", but Roerich's mountains do not go beyond the stark, breathtaking vastness and barrenness of the photos of Central Asia that I've seen while paging through books in the university library.  Lovecraft's gift and craft, though, was to find madness in everything. 

If I were going to use a Roerich painting as the basis for a horror story, I'd use this one:

The Treasure of the Angels.  From the Nicholas Roerich Museum.

Lovecraftian Horror

In silence and in darkness and in cold the horrid unspeakable thing lay, growing, growing, growing, over the slow and patient crawling of time not measured by puny humans, until, at last, it burst the chains laid on it by its long-lost makers and crawled into the world of men...

***

I speak, of course, of my potato rosemary bread dough, which I left in the fridge to rise overnight.  While mixing this batch I got lazy and just dumped in all the potato water instead of measuring 3 cups, and the increased volume overflowed the bowl: 

But of the ancient mysteries of oxygen-and-sugar-burning, carbon-dioxide-and-ethanol-producing organisms that are yeast, I must not speak.

The Doom that Will Come to the Italian Restarant

Behold! The idols of the old gods of earth are strangled in the garishly festive cheer of these modern and unforgiving holy days. Even as doom came to Ancient Sarnath after the king ritually said curses upon the drowned remains of the people of Ib and their god Bokrug, the water-lizard, so, too, shall doom come to this Italian restaurant.