The other day in the gym, my sister and I were setting up our aerial rig in preparation to working out on the silks This involves assembling some steel beams and using a wrench to bolt them together. It's fairly simple.
One of the more elderly gentlemen who take their morning constitutionals in the gym, seeing this, remarked that because we can use tools, we will make good wives one day. I have many problems with his comment. First, saying I use a tool is sort of a meaningless statement. Humans are tool-using animals. Not by any means the only animals that use tools, but it's a thing we do. The aerial rig itself is a tool, we drove to the gym in a car, which is a tool, and earlier that morning I used a coffee grinder, an electric kettle, a coffee press, and a coffee mug. Later that morning I used a computer. But since tools for mechanical and/or manual labor are more stereotypically for men (Sojourner Truth and Rosie the Riveter be damned) than, say, the applicator I used for spreading sparkly green polish on my fingernails, they are more important, even though putting on nail polish actually requires significantly more muscle control and skill than turning a bolt with a wrench. I mean, it's a wrench. It applies mechanical advantage to a bolt such that I don't need much in the way of skill or muscle when turning it. That's the whole point. I am, however, a woman, so my ability to use a manly tool such as a wrench, particularly since it isn't a specially marketed pink lady-tool, is surprising and worthy of note.
My other major problem is the statement that using a non lady-tool will make me a good wife someday. What exactly non-gender-stereotyped tool-use has to do with forming a government-recognized partnership based on mutual love and respect I do not know. I do know that he probably doesn't think of marriage in an egalitarian sort of way if he makes this statement, but I'm going to ignore that. I have skills. I have skills now. I use skills to accomplish tasks now. I am using my remarkable tool-using skills in despite of my ladyness in order to be an aerial dancer. That's a skill to be proud of. There is nothing wrong with marriage, and if it is implemented well, there can be quite a few things right with it, but to imply that this is the apex and end of accomplishments for a woman is insulting. I am a dancer whether or not I am married, and that accomplishment is an accomplishment to be recognized that has nothing to do with marriage. Come to that, my ability to use a wrench, is a skill (such as it is) that does not need to be modified by marriage.
What I'm getting at is that this man is refusing to recognize that I am a skillful person now in myself. If in my life I marry, I imagine I will be rather skillful at that too, but it doesn't take marriage to make use of my skills and be a good person. To imply, or blatantly state, otherwise is an insult.
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